Two years ago, my 10 year old daughter had saved up $250 to buy the puppy of her dreams. She took 100% care of her baby. All the feeding, bathing, etc. Star would sit on her backpack everymorning as if to say "Momma, don't leave". I would walk the dog to the bus stop and watch her little 5 lb. body wiggle with delight when her momma got off the bus. Our little "Star" died suddenly this past week and the loss has hit hard. But harder for me, has been watching my baby struggle with her loss.
When I had my first child, I said it felt like someone had put arms and legs on my heart and set it free. When my second came along, it felt like it was my soul that had grown arms and legs. The joy and pain of experiencing the joy and pain of your children is unexplainable. Words can not express the emotions. So many thoughts run through my mind this morning as I pray. They run through my mind, unorganized and emotional. But right now, my prayer is this...
Heavenly Father, you know the ultimate pain and the ultimate joy. I think of you right now as you looked on as your son suffered. I always thank Jesus for suffering for my sins, but today, I thank you for enduring the pain of watching your child suffer for me. I want to model your parenting. I want to look down at my child and say I am here. I want to be patient and loving. I want to be present when they cry out to me, "why?" I want them to know that it is safe for them to crawl into my loving arms. Father, I know that you are with me, that your arms are wrapped around me and my children. Thank you for holding us tight and never letting us go. When we try to stray from the comfort of those arms, Father, hold us tight and never let us go. Amen!
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